30 Years - What's That?

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30 Years - What's That?

Celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary on June 24th in Lake Geneva Wisconsin.

Posted By Connie Bailey on 06/25/2019 in Category 1

30 Years - What's That?

30 Years - What's That?

Celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary on June 24th in Lake Geneva Wisconsin.

What does it mean to be married for 30 years?

How are we one of the lucky ones?

I kind of think we are in the minority.

I understand fully people are all different, situations are all different. You CANNOT compare one to another to determine why one worked and one did not. So, please don’t. If you are reading this and your marriage has failed or is rocky right now. Don’t judge yourself or hate me for writing this.

For me, I think ours is still holding on because we married our Best Friends. That means that I don’t want to hurt him, I respect him. We can get angry and have a “little temper tantrum” but talk it out later.

We learned years ago, from a course based on a book “His Needs Her Needs” by Willard F Harley that men and woman are different. We think, talk and act different. We have very different needs. For example, I want him to listen to my problems NOT fix them. His tendency is to think he needs to come up with solutions for me. To fix it, that I am waiting for him to fix it. But that is not true, I just need a friendly comfortable ear to listen and not judge. I will usually come up with a solution myself.

Willard describes our ‘Love bank’ with our partner as deposits and withdrawals like a bank account works. When you do things that meet your partners needs, you deposit into that account. When you do things against that, you withdraw from it. When your Love bank is in the negative (overdraft), your relationship can be in trouble.

We also learned forgiveness. You are going to do stupid things and you are going to need a strong forgiveness meter. No one, I mean no one is perfect. All our relationships will be better when we realize and accept that.

We also had/ have great roll models. Both our parents have celebrated many years of marriage. Unfortunately, my parents are now gone but they spent their whole lives together. So did my grandparents and all my aunts and uncles at least on my moms’ side. My husbands’ parents have been together over 50 years. That side is a huge family and most of them have stayed together to.

We entered the marriage believing with all our hearts that it was for life. There was no doorway of escape if it didn’t work, we didn’t think like that. I’ve heard young people say “Well, if it doesn’t work, I can easily get a divorce’. What a way to enter a bond.

We also did not let the nay Sayers have a place in our relationship. I could tell when we said our vows some thought it would not last. Had either of us let that talk into our souls, we would have been doomed from the start. As Shania Twain’s song “Your still the one”:

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"

But just look at us holding on

We're still together, still going strong

I also believe that having God in our lives has also made us stronger. When times are rough, we rely on God to get us through[CB1] . It is not each others responsibility to fix anything. We just hold each other through the rocky ride.

We are both still growing, learning and striving to be better human beings. That makes our relationship continue to grow. Our adventures have just begone. I cannot wait to see what is next for us.

Remember that faults are the easiest things to find. Don’t go looking for them in your spouse!