A New Year’s Resolution For Those In The Midst of Divorce
With a new year, many people look ahead in anticipation for a positive year.
With a new year, many people look ahead in anticipation for a positive year. We make goals such as to lose weight, get fit, quit smoking, spend more time with the kids – all with great enthusiasm and optimism. But for those who are in the midst of divorce, feeling positive and optimistic can seem about as realistic as climbing Mount Everest.
The pain and hurt associated with divorce is impossible to describe and many people find themselves lost and unsure of the path ahead. So how do we look to the future when all we feel is the memories of the past burning inside of us? The truth is you can’t. Looking to the future without grieving for the past is impossible. The good news is that it won’t last forever. In fact, it is precisely by burning through the feelings, allowing them to flow through you, that you will be able to move past them. It is not easy, but it is necessary. And what awaits you on the other side is a greater understanding of who you are; as well as a more deep-rooted faith that you CAN overcome difficult times.
So how do you move past the feelings in a healthy way that allows you to let go and let be? Here are 4 ‘A’s that you can build some resolutions around to get you started on the right path.
Acknowledge the feelings – it’s ok to feel hurt, angry, sad, disappointed. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes. Write your former spouse a letter (you don’t need to send it for it to have healing impact), draw, cry. No one gets married expecting it to end. Whatever the reason, it happened – it likely wasn’t part of your life plan, and it hurts.
Accept – humans have an incredible ability to feel so many different emotions. That is what makes the human experience so remarkable. Accept that you are in the dark part of the journey but know that things will get better. After all, if we didn’t feel sadness, then how could we know joy? This is a really difficult time for you, so give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel. Don’t apologize or beat yourself up for what you feel.
Ask – loved ones for help. When you feel like you can barely take your head off the pillow – turn to those around you for support. Don’t try to be a super hero and handle everything on your own. Be good to yourself, you will get stronger. Do what is necessary and let other obligations go for now. If you have children, now is the time to cash in all those favours from those you have helped in the past. You need to be there for your kids, so take time for yourself so that you have energy for them.
Awareness – know that the universe is always providing us with signs, be open and listen. Look for moments of inspiration and peace. Surround yourself with things that make you feel safe and good. Pictures, music, candles, time with a close friend, a walk outside, do whatever works for you. Feel the universe providing you with support and love. Many have been down this road and you will make it through.
A New Year’s Resolution – to move through the grief process by using the 4 'A’s as your guide. There is no shortcut through the grief of ending a relationship. By accepting this as part of the journey, you will be able to move past this stage and be able to look to the future. Here’s to burning through the grief and moving on!
Cover image credit: https://dadsdivorce.com/articles/getting-prepared-divorce-new-years-resolution/