Marriage and Babies and College, oh my!
We’re in our early 20’s. Can we please discuss getting drunk, our shitty jobs, and how cute that bartender is?
There comes a time in every twenty-something’s life where everyone is asking you what’s wrong with you. Why are you not married? Why are you not baby-crazy? Why aren’t you going back to school? I’m 22, I’m single, I’m childless, and I dropped out of my college program. I do not regret any of these decisions, yet everyday I am reminded that a lot of people see my life as a sad and lonely mess. I want to stress that these are my opinions based on my own commitment-phobia induced life.
I’m still very young but I know a lot of people who are already married or are obsessed with the idea of it happening to them fairly soon. I personally prioritized my life very differently. I was in a relationship for 5 years, I was extremely comfortable. I loved him. I could have very easily stuck around and married that man. But I didn’t want to. I wanted to find out what I was like when I was on my own. I wanted to travel. I’m not saying that you can’t do these things while being with someone, but I met him when I was 16 years old. I didn’t know who I was, and I didn’t know what kind of person I was. I wanted to move to a different country and see what life brought my way. I wanted to be alone and fend for myself. I never dreamed of getting married, I never played bride growing up. The older I got the more I realized it wasn’t for me. I don’t want a wedding, I don’t want a dress, I don’t want a whole day. I’m not even sure if I ever want to get married. My dream marriage scenario would be, deciding to dress up in something stupid, going down to city-hall, then inviting our friends out to a pub to celebrate. That’s it. But without those things I still feel complete. I feel full-filled in my own life. I never catch myself thinking that my life would be better if I only had a husband. You’re not superior to me because you decided to get married, just as I’m not incapable of love because I’m single. And no, I’m not on Tinder, because no, I’m not looking for someone right now. I’m happy, I’m sorry if you can’t imagine someone being happy on their own.
I want to have kids someday. It took me a long time to figure this out. I don’t particularly like them. It’s just not something I feel the need to have anytime soon. Ideally, I don’t want to start thinking about children until I’m in my 30’s. Yet again, I know a lot of people who have kids already or are planning to very soon. That’s great for them. It’s not for me. I’m enjoying my freedom right now. I’m moving abroad in less than 6 months because I’m a single-childless-twenty-something who has the freedom and time to do so. My decision is not for everybody, but neither is having babies and getting married. People find happiness in different things. I just want to stop getting the sad looks, and the apologies when people talk about how happy they are… I’m not sad. A lot of my outings lately have included about an hour of me keeping quiet while everyone discusses their weddings, and what they’re going to name their kids. They then sympathetically say “So you’re moving to Ireland, that’s great. Are you excited?” then continue to tell me how they’re kids will be forced to take french immersion because they never did as a child. We’re in our early 20’s. Can we please discuss getting drunk, our shitty jobs, and how cute that bartender is?
I dropped out of my college program. I had good grades, but I decided it wasn’t for me. I was 18 years old, already living on my own and I had been working in law offices for 2 years already. That alone is a lot to accomplish by 18. While my friends were out partying and deciding what they wanted to do, I was working full-time while taking classes to become a Paralegal. I thought I had everything figured out. Until I realized I hated it. I hate being told how to look, how to act, and what to say. I’m a writer, I hate being censored. I hated being surrounded by people who were so judgmental to the way people with less money lived. I’m a humanitarian, I hate double standards. This is not what it’s like in all law offices. I loved the idea of the job. I love the law, I’m good at it, it fascinates me. But in no way is that where my passion is. It just wasn’t for me. In Canada, college is very expensive, the one year that I was enrolled cost me $20,000 of debt. That’s a lot of money to spend on something you don’t absolutely love doing. I’ve since decided to move abroad. This means I get a lot of questions about going back to school. I need to do this while I’m young and single. School will always be there, men will always be around, but this opportunity doesn’t come around often. I hear “real job” getting brought into conversations a lot. I have a real job, I work really hard and I’m proud of myself. I’ve accomplished everything I have without a degree. What I’m trying to say is: I’m only 22, fuck off.
So here’s to being single with a shitty job and no money, but never happier!
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