Pink is not a trend, its a cry for help!
Its not that I think bullying is right, but I am curious, who is this "wear pink for anti-bullying" campaign targeted at? What is the desired outcome?
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash.
When I see all these photos of kids banning together to wear pink to school I wonder, who are they sending this message to? The bullies? To show them, yet again, how they are unwelcome? How their behaviour is unacceptable? How the numbers are against them, again?
Don't people realize that this is how you create bullies?
If you watch the movie "A Girl Like Her", it becomes painfully obvious that bullies are people who are hurting. These are children who are terribly misunderstood, confused, and lacking the love and support that they need.
The solution is not to get the majority of people to gang up on them, but to take the time to understand and show these kids acceptance and love. Only then will they be able to correct their misunderstandings about how to get what they need or want in society.
I wrote a couple emails to the Pink Shirt Day campaign. Yes, their funds support generalized empathy training for all kids, but when I asked what they do to support the bully, victim, and by-standards when issues arise, or what they do to educate parents and schools on the negative impacts of using Force (Shame, Guilt, Pride, and Desire) to motivate children, there was no response.
No one deserves to be bullied, and when we endorse this type of "us against you" response, I feel we are missing a huge opportunity to teach real understanding, compassion, and communication.
I feel the same way about the memes that say "it doesn't matter if you are smart or good at sports, it is more important to be nice". I like the idea, but I feel it misses the point. If the kids that people are targeting with this campaign could be nice, I think they would be!
This reminds me of a sign that sits outside our school office, where kids as young as 3.5yrs old need to sign in if they are late, which reads that: "it takes zero talent to be on time."
It takes A LOT of talent to get some kids to school on time! - An example of how schools shame students without realizing it, and then don't change when it is pointed out to them that this is shaming
This may seem off topic, but bare with me for a minute. Ever since his little sister was born, my son has struggled with anger, frustration, and not being understood. I've tried many of the recommended methods to support him to work through his anger, but the bottom line is:
He does not want to be calmed down, he wants to be understood!
Last year I changed the spelling of his name. Its a subtle change, and not everyone will believe this, but based on the Soul Contract work that I do, a small change in the spelling of his name allowed him to be able to feel and voice his pain, and within a few months, he unschooled himself and was able to explain why.
This demonstrated something that I have known for years as a Divine Healing practitioner, but that I had forgotten to keep in mind.
In Divine Healing, we are taught that when people do not know how to process and release their pain, they wrap it up, and store it in their emotional body.
Some people take this wrapped up pain and direct it at others in the form of anger or belittlement (the bully). When they are expressing these behaviours, it is actually the perfect time to open up and heal their pain.
What you feel you can heal.
So if someone is bullying, this is the prime time to get to the core of their issue, the pain, and show them that it is ok to feel that pain and they are still loved.
The alternative is to continue to hide these pains in our body, and become more and more numb. This is what most people do. They stuff down their pain, never telling a soul, and then they either live a life they hate, get sick and don't know why, or worse.
So, instead of wearing pink to ban together as a society to target the bully, who is already in considerable pain, why not share love and understanding?
Why not bring in someone who is qualified to discuss these situations, as they arise, from a place of love for all parties.
I volunteered at an after school program, where my only responsibility was to support the kids and staff to have a better understanding of where the other may be coming from.
This is what I noticed:
- Kids who are not treating other people nicely do not always realize that the other person has feelings and can get hurt. I think this comes from adults not showing kids that they are vulnerable too.
- Kids who are behaving badly are sometimes pushing people away because they don't feel worthy of love.
- As soon as you let someone know they are seen, that you get them and its ok, they melt, and this is good.
- A relationship can be easily mended (and the "bad" behaviour can stop) once both parties see eye to eye, and the hurt is allowed to come out.
- In the end, we all want to be accepted and loved.
We are the landing crew for these kids. We need to show them unconditional love and acceptance!
Take a look at this scale of emotions:
Power vs Force - David R Hawkins MD PhD
It is estimated that 70% of the population spends most of their time living below the 200 mark. Living below 200 means that, in order to get your way you are going to use FORCE, which is a very immature way to cope. The bully.
Notice "shame" is at the bottom?
When you live over the 200 mark, most of the time, you start to use POWER tactics to influence others. In this sense, true POWER is Love, Understanding, Compassion, Empathy, and Wisdom.
I believe our job is to get kids (and ourselves) over the 200 mark.
If you have a child, or know of a child, who is accused of bullying, who could use someone who understands and can support them to express where they are coming from and find better ways to get what they need, please feel free to get in touch for a free 15min, no obligation, consultation, here.
We all deserve love, and a sea of pink doesn't do it for me!
Bullying Awareness has already been raised!
Now, what are you going to do about it?
Here's a song that I think sets a much better tone for how we can work with these kids:
Hold On Forever - Rob Thomas
For more on this topic, see:
Love and Bless, Strong Family!