Why are so many kids trying to kill themselves?
We need to stop acting like teen suicide is such a surprise, and we need to stop labeling kids with suicidal tendencies as "just trying to get attention"...
As some of you know, on September 23rd 2017, I worked an event that celebrated life and supported 3 local families that lost their 19/20yr olds to suicide or addiction. Here is the video of me introducing myself to the group:
Introduction - Why I do the work I do (from a suicide prevention standpoint)
If you watch the video, you will hear me say a few times "why did I do that?" - attempt suicide several times between the ages of 14-21yrs old?
And, as the Universe ALWAYS delivers, I spent the next 4 weeks understanding the answer to my question.
I attempted suicide because I felt so alone. I had no idea why I experienced the trauma and lack of love that I experienced. My mother had married a very abusive man and when I eventually got rid of him, quite by accident, because I had been screaming for help for years through my writing assignments at school and not a single teacher ever asked me if everything was ok at home, they just graded my paper, said it was creative, and criticized my grammar.
After my step-father was removed from the home, my mother took everything out on me. Yes, she lost half her money because they did not have a prenup. But, should I have been treated like a homewrecker for saying enough is enough - after 4yrs of being abused, and taking the brunt of the abuse because my mom ran every chance she got, leaving us with this man, and I acted up to make sure the abuse came my way to protect my sister? My mom would call me names, she would rip the blankets off me while I slept, she would laugh at me with her friends, it was all MY fault, I was the bad kid. And worst of all, she would say, "I am just like my ex step-father", if I ever showed any sign of anger for the level of abuse that I had been through.
Now, you tell me, if this is your life, do you still want to live?
Interestingly, I was not suicidal at all when my step father was in the home and the abuse was occurring. Then I was the lone protector of the family. I became suicidal after the supposed threat was removed and there was no closure, no one said I'm sorry, no one said thank you, nothing got better, in fact everything got worse. I finally got rid of the abuser, yet the absence of love continued. So, instead of the abuse stopping, I turned the abuse on myself, I attacked myself, I exposed myself to situations where I would not feel the love I deserved, because, I guess, I felt, I must not deserve it.
And it wasn't just this event. My entire childhood I was alone. I missed my father dearly. He was my primary attachment. But, I feel because he lost his mother to suicide when he was 4yrs old, he probably thought "I don't want my kids to grow up without a mom", and when my mom decided to leave him when I was 2yrs old, he gave us to her.
Little did he know, my mom was truly incapable of loving us, or caring for us, or protecting us, and every time I spoke up about it, I was told: "don't talk about your mother like that, she is the only mom you've got".
I get it, my dad grew up without a mom, it was hard, so he wanted better for me. But my childhood was definitely NOT better for me.
However, it has made me who I am, and for that I am grateful.
But, the suicidal child, did NOT need to hear "oh, she is just trying to get attention". What she needed to hear was "Did you know that there is a reason for everything we experience? Did you know that you are so deeply loved? Did you know that there is a way to respond to what you are experiencing to make it go away? Did you know that this will become your greatest gift?"
And do you know where all these answers lie? In my Soul Contract. It is actually written there, plain as day. What I am here to do, what I am here to endure, what my gift to the world will be, if I can survive the first part of my life - the challenging part.
I can write all this now, because I am on the other side. I am safe. I am not that little girl any more, I am out of that environment. I was lucky. You don't know how many times I took bottles of pills that should have killed me, or that I cut my wrists, or that I stabbed my wrists with a screw driver, or that I was hospitalized for this behaviour. But the scariest times were when I acted without telling a soul. When I just resigned myself to die. But then, for some reason I just woke up the next morning feeling groggy and having to keep on trucking on.
So, please, I ask you: If you know a child/teen/young adult or adult who is suicidal, please do not say "oh, they are just trying to get attention". Get this person to a qualified Soul Contract Reader (such as myself, and there are many others). Let them see, they are loved, they are on a mission, they have the ability to turn any challenge into a gift, to offer the world, they are of so much value, they have just forgotten the plan. That is why we have Soul Contract readings. So people can remember, so they keep trucking on, so they can push through the darkness to get to the light.
I know, this topic is dark for some people, but it needs to be said. We can not keep losing our special children who are crying out for help! We need to stop and listen and remind them, that they are special and they can endure and overcome and stop any negativity that they are experiencing.
My Master's adviser, Dr Hymie Anisman included this quote in his book "An Introduction to Stress & Health":
Born into society, a banker's only child,
He had everything a man could want: power, grace, and style.
So my mind was filled with wonder when the evening headlines read:
'Richard Cory went home last night and put a bullet through his head'.
How true, and how sad, and this needs to end.
ps. If you are a parent and reading this triggers you to feel guilty, I invite you to read "Understanding Mother's Guilt" to support you to move beyond the guilt, and why it is important to do so.
pps. Many people use the term Soul Contract. This is the ONLY form of Soul Contract that I know and trust:
There are only a couple of teachers for this form of Soul Contract. If you come across someone offering this service and you are not sure if they are properly trained/qualified, feel free to ask me, and I can check for you. This work is WAY too important to leave it to someone who is untrained to decode for you!
ppps. If you want the Spiritual Truth on this one (it took me a while to get here too): My mom, on a soul level, I know, only did these things to me, because she loves me so much. This does not forgive people who do terrible things to one another. But certain agreements are undertaken by certain souls, who are willing to play terrible roles for one another so that the other soul can capture the lesson they are hoping for: "Because I love you so much, because you want this experience so much, I will play this terrible role for you, until you capture your lesson". My lesson, was to understand what it is like to be completely misunderstood by my parents (to the point that I would try to take my life, again and again), so that eventually I can teach parents how to understand their kids and why it is so important to do so. Not all kids can bounce back from multiple suicide attempts like I did. And, on a soul level, and on a human level too, I am grateful. Lets see if my human mother can believe me on this one, and forgive herself too.
Good Mother - Jann Arden
Reach out if you have any questions.
Love and Bless, Strong Family!
Family Dynamics and Life Purpose Specialist
You Have a Life Plan