We need to be more honest with our kids
Lately, I have been listening to songs from when I was a teenager, and what I hear now as an adult, is a teenager crying out for help, and NOBODY was listening!
I wrote this article in Oct/Nov 2017, but pulled it from my magazine for a while, and now I feel like it is the right time for it to return...
This song struck me in particular this morning:
Head Over Heels - Alanis Morissette (1995)
I went to school with Alanis. She was 3 yrs ahead of me. Every morning we listened to her singing our national anthem, she was even a guest speaker in our sex ed class. But she took a lot of fire, as I guess all famous people do. People questioned her decisions and put her down.
Imagine the surprise of some of her critiques to see her host the Dalai Lama in our home town, roughly 15yrs later!
Alanis Morissette hosts the Dalai Lama in Ottawa
Her and I have at least a couple things in common. One of my "lovely" ex-boyfriends took her on a date once, and of course complained about her. This "lovely" boyfriend also thought it was funny to come at me with a knife when I was 15yrs old and under the influence. These are the type of charming men I was attracting into my life, because I had no foundation for love because of the confusing messages I received about love in childhood.
What I want to share here is what she shares in the song that I included above. When she speaks of finally finding love, finally finding someone who actually cares about her, and how much she may have been pushing him away. I do not know her life, but in my life the reason I pushed people who could love me away is because that is not what I was told love felt like growing up.
Love to me was walking on egg shells.
This is why I am making a plea to parents. If you feel overwhelmed by your kids at times, and we all do, PLEASE do not try to cover it up with words like "I love you". This is very confusing for a child. What they learn from you, they look for and attract in the world, and they can not attract any better until by some miracle they breakdown so badly that they have no choice.
Like in this song, and in my life.
Ten years ago I was done. Absolutely destroyed. That was when my husband came along. This amazingly nice guy. I had no fight left in me, so I allowed myself to be saved.
It has been quite a process for me to accept this amazing man in my life. So much so that I tried to push him away. Even 10yrs into our relationship, two kids later, an amazing life, because still I felt I did not deserve this safety, this life.
And you know what? He didn't attack me for pushing him away. He just said "I am sad, I am hurt, I can't see you right now" and the next morning he said "I am here and I will do anything to make this work, I don't want to lose you".
Imagine my surprise, that unconditional love can look like that!?
And what does this have to do with the work I do?
Well, take a look at Alanis' Human Design chart:
Alanis Morissette Human Design Chart (6/2 profile - natural role model)
If you know any of my writing, you know I watch out for these 6/2 really open (not coloured in) people. Because, this is what my son is, and this is what Tony Robbins is. These people tend to have really challenging childhoods, and are very sensitive to others. These 6/2s are here to become role models, just by the way they live their lives, marching to their own drum. They are naturals at it, IF they can survive their childhood.
I do not know Alanis' childhood, nor do I know all 6/2s, and I do not want to invade her privacy. Although, she is featured in the documentary Sensitive - The Untold Story, where she shares that she was quite misunderstood and sensitive in childhood.
Again, my plea to parents is: PLEASE look at your kids' Human Designs. See where they are vulnerable, see where they have strengths. And please look at your own Human Design. Be honest with yourself and your kids.
If you are negatively affected by your kids or anything at any point in time, SAY SO! Do not lie to them and tell them this uneasy feeling that you are transmitting to them is love. If you do that, they will go out and look for that kind of love in the world, and I know that is not what you want when you are masking your difficult feelings with "I love you"s. Kids pick up on every feeling, but they will believe your lies and internalize them and this will become their internal compass.
We need to do better! We need to be honest. It is ok to be negatively affected by your child. I am negatively affected by mine sometimes. I need breaks. I am very open in my Human Design, and my kids are intense, so is my husband. And that is OK. We just need to be honest and know what we are dealing with.
And, as my 5 (now 6) yr old son would always say, don't forget to laugh. He is always trying to do something to make me laugh. Sometimes in poor timing for my ego. But if I can let that go and just look at this amazing kid who is just trying to lighten the mood, because, despite all the hard times, he IS a natural role model. And every struggle with him is an opportunity for me to learn and grow. What more can I ask for?
So, if you are interested to see what you are dealing with in your family, on an energetic level, please reach out. I always offer a free 15min, no obligation, consultation, here.
Love and Blessings
Reduced Parental Stress, Improved Child Success
Know yourself Know your kids Flow with life