Your children need you to see them for who they really are!
Kids absolutely need to know that you see them for who they are, and you need to shine a guiding light until they are strong enough to shine it for themselves.
All children need to know that there is a loving adult/parent who sees their potential, who they are, why they struggle, and will listen to them when they voice their truth. This adult needs to hold a safe energetic space and protect this child, and shine a light for where they are trying to go, until they are strong enough to shine that light for themselves!
Anyone who knows me only as an adult may assume I am all sunshine, rainbows, and positivity. And I am. But I also have a history, I also have darkness in me, and I am no longer afraid of this dark side of me.
The side of me that most people do not see started when I was 2yrs old and my mother took me and my sister away from my primary attachment (my father). My dad was still in the picture as much as he could be, but the scar of this separation still felt like this:
Father of Mine - Everclear
Away from my father, I was abandoned, abused, blamed, and nobody saw my light. By age 15yrs I became this girl and it lasted until I met my husband at age 29yrs, when I had had enough of this life and the deep pain it brought me:
Criminal - Fiona Apple
I am not proud of who I was, but I have compassion for the girl that was led to that place, due to her childhood experiences.
NO ONE SAW MY LIGHT!
I even wrote about it in school assignments and not a single teacher picked up on what was going on at home and the pain in my heart. They just graded my paper and commented on my grammar.
This girl almost destroyed herself and others. And she is still in me. And this is why I do what I do.
I am a Soul Contract and Human Design Specialist. I work with families to support them to understand one another, how they affect each other, what are their unique needs, struggles, and strengths. With this understanding, my hope is that kids do not grow up and do this:
Runaway Train - Soul Asylum
The Freshman - The Verve Pipe
Having studied Attachment Parenting, with a MSc in Psychology and two kids of my own, I understand that kids need a solid foundation of who they are before they go out in the world. “Going into the world” can be considered as young as when they start school, and certainly by high school or post-secondary.
It is unfortunately a scary place out there if you do not have this solid foundation because people will attract to them situations that match what they feel they deserve. If they do not see their own light, if they can not stand up and advocate for their needs, then they are at risk!
Who Will Save Your Soul - Jewel
Look at what the media does to our girls:
Miss Representation - trailer
Look at what society does to our boys:
The Mask You Live In - trailer
Its disgusting! And you fight this by making sure your kids know WHO they are and that it is perfect for them to be themselves, so they can push back!
I know most parents are loving and trying to do the best they can. I know a lot of parents are stressed, and sometimes worrying about things that do not matter.
In my practice, I support parents to see who they are, what their needs are, so they can understand the importance of self-care, so they too can start to feel good and drop 50% of the things on their TO DO list (which do not matter or apply to their specific makeup).
With all that extra time, they can enjoy life more, and they can hold a better space for their kids.
I am committed and determined to heal and release all parts of this girl, still inside me:
Bitch - Meredith Brooks
And just be the loving mother and wife, with a history that is no longer painful, but an asset that allows me to understand kids, teens, and adults who are suffering. We do not need to feel bad about who we are. We are all wonderful on the inside. We just need to see that and see that in our kids.
Turns out I am not like any of these videos above, I am actually this girl, trying to unravel and heal the pain in my family lineage...
Father's Daughter - Jewel
As I mentioned, I have an MSc in Psychology, I have been involved in mental health research for 10yrs, and I have been through the system myself.
It is interesting, but research will never tell you anything about you or your child specifically. I have learned that there are many ways to depression, to sadness, to destructive behaviour. And if you do not speak with someone who is able to see your or your child’s unique circumstance (like a Family Dynamics and Life Purpose Specialist), you can make it much much worse.
Much love to all of you in your parenting journey.
Take care of your beautiful kids. Support them to reach their unique potential, to know themselves, to protect themselves, and to advocate for themselves. And give yourself permission to take care of your needs too!
For the record, I still love my parents, they are both still in my life. They have done the best they knew how. They did not have the tools I offer my clients, and I would not be able to do what I do had I not had those experiences. So, its all good. I experienced HELL so hopefully some future kids do not have to.
Family Dynamics and Life Purpose Specialist