Self-Righteous Resentment - How Do We Really Come Back and Heal from Injustice?
Did you know it is possible to find love and peace through a messy divorce? Read on to find out how ....
"When you hold on to the past with bitterness and anger, and don't allow yourself to experience the present moment, you are wasting today." Louise Hay
In 2004, I decided to leave my marriage of 15+ years and spent the subsequent four to five years holding onto bitterness and grudges against my ex. I held on to this for a long time until I learned that it was all about forgiving myself, not the other person.
For a very long time, I sat in this "prison" of self-righteous resentment. I wanted to be right. I fought with my ex for everything that I believed he had stripped me of at the time of our separation (for example: my daughters and all the material possessions that we had accumulated over the life span of our marriage).
Learning to release the pain.
Photo by Amanda Flavell on Unsplash
There was something inside of me that knew that staying in an unhappy marriage wasn't what I was meant to do for the rest of my life, and even though I had no clue exactly how I was going to get out, and what steps I was going to take, something inside of my heart just clicked, and on the spot I left. I was 39 at the time, and very insecure. I was terrified but I did it!
I went on a bit of a journey to figure out exactly what I wanted to do, and truly felt like there was something wrong with me. I really felt like I was cutting off a limb because I was so frustrated with litigating in the court system for many years. I had gone against my traditional family's values about separation and divorce. It wasn't until I started giving myself permission to experiment and explore, to grow and to figure out who I really was that things started changing. Every time I doubted myself, I asked: "Am I coming from a loving space in my heart? Is this a decision that is nurturing for me? Is this right for me now?"
I also never let go of the core belief that “deep down inside, if you want something bad enough, you will figure it out”. So I surrounded myself with big-hearted and compassionate people, like my sisters and daughters. We deeply connected and, eventually, I learned to trust again.
I am so grateful that I learned to trust again.
Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash
Rather than fight, I reverted to digging deeper inside myself and what I learned is that: “We never get even and revenge does not work because what you give out comes back to you. The buck has to stop somewhere. It was easier to blame my ex for everything, but as soon as I realized that the place to begin making changes is inside of me, then I became at peace with myself”.
Do you forgive yourself?
Do you want to stop punishing yourself?
This was crucial and life altering for me.
I realized that:
- It was a dead-end road to keep fighting for everything. I let it go.
- I recognized that the physical world presented limitations and illusions that really kept me stuck.
- I learned to love myself, and as a result,
- I truly became more powerful!
- Our love for ourselves moves us from being victims to being winners!
- Our love for ourselves attracts wonderful experiences to us.
I am truly grateful for my ex, for all that he taught me, which was to:
- Stand up for myself, and
- To not let anyone take away my worth.
Now, I much prefer to show gratitude and appreciation for all of my progress, and for all the things, and the people that give me joy - my daughters, my partner, my family, my friends.
I worked my butt off to rebuild my life, and slowly, I did!
I'm so glad I invested in myself.
Your big heart is your road map to life!
All you have to do to follow it, is to be honest with yourself.
My heart is my guide and assists me in everything that I do.
I learned that we can all make a difference in this world when we:
- Commit to learning more about ourselves, and
- Understand how much our life can change when we don't let anyone tell us what we can not do.
I'm so grateful that I pushed through, despite all my fears. But, if I had to do it all over again, I would have done it more peacefully, and I would have come from the loving space in my heart.
A HeartCentred view of the situation.
Photo by Marion Michele on Unsplash
I honestly feel that it is this power of love and peace that opens all doors and helps us meet and overcome every challenge and crisis in our life.
If you're thinking about what you want for your life, and deep down you need to make a drastic change to get there, then trust that there is a solution. Wrap yourself in your own heart and reach out to me if you want someone to support you through the process.
If you want to learn more about my services, you can visit my website at heartquestliving.com.
Use your own gifts to change the world and work on doing what you feel is right for you.
Get in touch with your inner voice.
Your inner wisdom knows the right answers for you!
That's the real justice!
With Love and Gratitude,